Same, But Different

 

As is the case with hundreds of other grads, I moved back home after graduation, in part, thanks to COVID-19. Before this, I hadn't thought much of this quaint little town, as I had tried my hardest to unlearn a lot of the biases and beliefs that I experienced. I have now been here since the end of March. It's been seven months of what sometimes feels like new observations, but is mostly just the same life I grew up having, just a little different. 

I drive through town and I see plenty of American flags, something I was taught represented freedom, and equality, and all that good stuff you learn in history class. That has always been the case, those flags have always been there. And, as a first-generation immigrant, I believe(d) all that good stuff. I saw American flags and thought, yes, I live in the USA, and of course I'm grateful to live here, just as my parents taught me. 

But recently, all those American flags I once saw as a symbol of my story, are accompanied by Trump yard signs, Trump flags, Blue Lives Matter decals, and I no longer recognize that flag. That flag that I was once proud to represent, no longer feels like it represents me. That flag that I was taught to respect, no longer feels like it respects me. That flag that I saw growing up in my neighbor's yards, no longer makes me feel like I'm welcome. 

That flag, now makes me feel like an outcast. Like I did something wrong. I have mostly been a straight A student, you know, the kind that befriends their teachers. I have volunteered in my community, through many places. I go to church on Sundays, and I donate my time and money whenever it's needed. I have been trying to go to jury duty, because I get to participate in the legal system. Our legal system. I was born here, in San Luis Obispo. This is my home..

And yet, it doesn't always feel like it. But the truth is, this is nothing new. I've always felt like an outcast here. The way the grocery clerks avoid conversations when they'd hear my family speak Spanish, the way law enforcement has treated us for our ethnic looks, the way classmates and teachers would smuggly correct or even mock my pronunciation, or how many times I'd hear about people mocking my parents' accents. (Accents that they have because they left behind full professions to move here -- not that an education makes you more worthy or better, but that seems to always be the talking point -- the lazy, the beggars, the rapists, the poor, the nuisance). 

The truth is, life on the Central Coast has always been quite similar. The same racism I see now has existed throughout my life. It's not surprising to me, to learn that America continues to fight against me -- against us. This administration has empowered hatred, but it by no means invented the bigotry. The truth is, those flags I saw growing up, that once decorated the homes of my neighbors, are the same flags that are now accompanied by Trump propaganda, just as the people who placed those flags are the same people. The main difference is their hatred and bigotry has now been vocalized, but that hatred is by no means is an inexplicable apparition.